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A woman is a creature of the ear. Men, a woman needs to hear what you say. What we say is so important.

A way to a woman’s heart is through her ear. Solomon obviously understood this and was eager to express his love for his bride. “Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair!” (Song of Solomon 4:1)

Solomon tells his bride, Shulamith, how beautiful she is. Actually, he tells her three times how beautiful she is. And in the way of the Hebrews, “You are exquisitely beautiful” were his words. No flaw in her at all. She’s perfect.

Now there has never been a perfect woman or a perfect man. And we do not know what Shulamith actually looked like, but we do know what she looked like to Solomon. To him she was without flaw—the most gorgeous creature God had ever created.
Talking to a woman challenges men at the deepest level of our innate capacity because talking isn’t one of our greatest virtues.

A man is a creature of the eye. Men don’t do very well when it comes to talking or listening. But we do see! Solomon sees a beautiful woman and expresses his love for her as he describes her beauty.

Solomon sees and praises eight different parts of his wife’s body that are particularly pleasing to him (Song of Solomon 4:1-6). Her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, mouth, temples, neck, breasts.

“Your eyes are like the eyes of the doves. You have doves eye’s behind your veil.” This is probably a reference to the soft, twinkling energy he saw in her eyes. In ancient Hebrew weddings the bride wore a veil. Solomon could see Shulamith’s eyes right through her veil. Her eyes were highlighted by the veil.

“Your hair is like a flock of goats, going down from Mount Gilead.” This is a strange thing for a man to say to his wife. I would not recommend you take that literally into your conversation. Solomon is saying, “You have beautiful black hair.”

“Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep which have come up from the washing, every one of which bears twins, and none is barren among them.” He notices everything. White teeth that are perfectly set in her mouth.

“Your lips are like a strand of scarlet…” Scarlet was surely the natural color of her lips, plus some lip dye. We call it lipstick. Her complexion was beautifully dark. Sun-tanned from working in the fields. With long wavy black hair, red lips, and straight white teeth. What a picture.

“And your mouth is lovely.” What could he mean? Have you ever seen a drop-dead-gorgeous woman walk into a setting? You admire her beauty, when all of a sudden she opens her mouth. And her talk cancels out all you’ve seen. Solomon is saying this woman is beautiful and has a beautiful way with her words. She speaks lovely. She’s a wonderful woman.

“Your temples behind your veil are like a piece of pomegranate.” When Solomon speaks of his wife’s temples, he’s talking about her cheekbones, which were blushed red. Pomegranates were considered an aphrodisiac in the ancient world, attractive to the eye and pleasant to the taste.

“Your neck is like the tower of David, built for an armory, on which hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.” His bride’s neck is stately, majestic, adorned with beautiful layers of jewelry. Solomon loves her beautiful and well-adorned neck.

“Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed among the lilies.” Solomon looks at Shulamith and sees her shape and form. He’s speaking of her feminine grace, beauty, and softness.
Time and tenderness are critical to the pleasure and joy of another. The loss of one’s self is the real key.

“From now on,” Solomon says to Shulamith, “my total focus is not going to be on me, but on you. I’m going to focus my life on you, Shulamith.” Solomon invites Shulamith to leave her home and come be with him. His invitation is carefully and beautifully delivered.

That’s the secret to marriage. Marriage is getting over ourselves, understanding it’s not all about me and my needs, it’s about the joy of meeting the needs in the life of my partner. Our needs are met on the way to meeting the needs of the one we love.

How beautiful this is. How precious this truth is in the Word of God.

Paul makes the point of selflessness very clear. “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4).
There’s more joy to be found in marriage between Christians. That’s the truth. You can’t beat God’s plan. He knows what He’s doing. If in doubt, read the directions in His Word, the Bible, in the Song of Solomon.

God loves you and your marriage. He loves your relationship with your wife or husband and approves of you together. He is filled with joy when you experience the joy of marital love.

Statistics are overwhelming that Christian couples who go to church together and read the Bible together and love God together have the greatest physical relationship in all the world.

God wants us to know that He is in favor of the marital relationship. He created it. This is God’s idea. He is not upset when we have physical relationships with one another in marriage. He approves of it. It was His idea.

On the wedding night of Solomon and Shulamith, God said: “Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!” (Song of Solomon 5:1)

God took a look at His creation one day and saw the world with only a man in it. And God said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). So God fixed it. He made a woman. And He brought us together.

God has placed the marital physical relationship on the highest level of beauty and joy. When two Christians are involved together in the act of marriage, it’s as if it were a worshiping thing before the God who created them.
Your questions on MARRIAGE:
  • Why do women want a man to talk to them?
  • Why is talking to a woman so hard for men?
  • Are time and tenderness important to both sexes?
  • Can Christians have more joy in their relationship?

Resources from Dr. Jeremiah

2 Great Resources

What the Bible Says About Love Marriage and Sex Book Discover What the Bible Says About Love Marriage and Sex in Dr. Jeremiah’s verse by verse teaching through the Song of Solomon. Marriage Interactive Site Want to know more about the Creator’s view of love, marriage, and sex? Visit our interactive site for a hilarious lighthearted approach to these tough issues.